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| I have not posted here in a long while, and given the fact that participants for psych experiments are so flaky, I figured I might as well use my time inefficiently.
Second year at Yale.
During summer, having endured self-induced panic attacks about where to take my academic career, I finally settled on neuroscience and pre-med. Also developed an interest in studying Facial Action Coding System (FACS) and microexpressions. For the most part, people around here have sobered up to their freedom. There are the exceptions for those who are constantly in seek of the next drunk thrill.
Uncertainty was daunting last year. Having reflected upon this, I realize I was lucky to have stumbled upon literature and psychology. In high school, literature appealed to me, not because of rhetoric and literature, but because of its attempts to study the human psyche. It led me to the right direction.
Currently, I am sitting in the Yale Positive Emotion and Psychopathology (YPEP) lab, taking classes that I truly love and enjoy, and it really couldn't get better than this. Well, chem lab can eliminate post-lab reports, but that's another issue.
Life is awesome. Yale is awesome. Milton is awesome.
People say that whichever college you choose to go to has no impact on your study because it's the same education and that it's what you make of it. I believed that for a while, but, from my experience, that sentiment is untrue. Had I gone to Cal and applied to a psychology lab through URAP, the likelihood of getting in is, from what I've heard, slim to none. And even if I somehow did get in, it is unlikely that an undergraduate research assistant could work closely with the professor. But at Yale, I can do all that. I cannot begin to appreciate how many opportunities open up here; it's simply a very rich experience.
Every now and then, I would walk to class and suddenly be stunned and nearly immobilized by the thought: "I'm at Yale." And, in that brief moment, a wave of responsibility and opportunity and Holy Shit-ness comes over me. But in order to walk on, this kind of appreciation that doe-eyed high school seniors and Chinese parents hold fast to must dissipate.
This post probably doesn't sound very exciting or, as I now realize, coherent because I really need more sleep. Generally, I get at least eight hours, but last night, I got only seven. zzzz
Now, to nap.
| | |
| Very few things can keep my interest for more than five minutes. At work. Bored.
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = Wah-wah
2. last phone call = President To
3. last text message = You're welcome.
4. last song you listened to = "Viva la Love Song," a compilation of Viva la Vida by Coldplay and Love Song by Taylor Swift
5. last time you cried = Yesterday
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = No
7. been cheated on = No
8. kissed someone & regretted it = No
9. lost someone special = Yes
10. been depressed = Not clinically
11. been drunk and threw up = No
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Green
13. Blue
14. Black
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend = Yes
16. Fallen out of love = No
17. Laughed until you cried = Yes
18. Met someone who changed you = Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were = Yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you = Who isn't talking about Superspecialawesome Tiffany?
21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list = Yes
GENERAL:
22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = At least 90%
24. Do you have any pets = No. :( I wants a doggie or a kitteh.
25. Do you want to change your name = Yes.
26. What did you do for your last birthday = Slept.
27. What time did you wake up today = 8:40 am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = Applying to jobs.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = Yale course listings to be released... SHUT UP.
30. Last time you saw your Mother = This morning.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = Become the Dalai Lama.
32. What are you listening to right now = Viva la Love Song
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = Probably.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = Tomorrow's fancy shmancy IAP dinner. I gotta shave!
35. Most visited webpage = Howcast.com, xkcd.com (VIVA LA MUNROE!), facebook, gmail.com
36. Where do you want to be right now? = VAN-FUCKING-COUVER.
37. Nicknames = TP, T-Pang, Tiffy, Tiff, Tiffishnar...
38. Relationship Status = Awesome.
39. Zodiac sign = Aquarius
40. Male or female? = Mail.
41. Elementary? = Yes, my dear Watson.
42. Middle School = Presidio.
44. Hair colour = Black. Brown. Apparently looks red in the sun.
45. Long or short = Shoulder-length.
46. Height = 5'4"
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = Yes
48: What do you like about yourself? = Eyes
49 Piercings = Ears
50. Tattoos = Nope
51. Righty or lefty= Righty
FIRSTS :
52. First surgery = As a kid
53. First piercing = When I was 7
54. First best friend = Kalok Law, who turned out to be Henry's cousin. WTH
55. First kiss = RAWR! A dinosaur. With a wet tongue.
56. First vacation = um... America.
58. First crush = Allan Lin. -_-
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating = My fingers.
60. Drinking = Wah-wah.
61. I'm about to = go back to work.
62. Listening to = Viva la Love Song
63. Waiting for = WORK TO END!
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? Dunno. At the moment, even if I have the means, I'm going to say no.
65. Get Married? Yes.
66. Career? Between social psychology and clinical psychology
WHICH IS BETTER
67. Lips or eyes = Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses = HUGGLES!
69. Shorter or taller= Shorter or taller what?
70. Older or Younger = Older or younger what? Stupid questions!
71. Romantic or spontaneous = Romantic.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = BELLY!
73. Sensitive or loud = Sensitive.
74. Hook-up or relationship = Relationship.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = Caution.
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger = No.
77. Drank hard liquor = No.
78. Lost glasses/contacts = Yes. :( Lost my glasses.
79. Sex on first date = No.
80. Broken someone's heart = Yes.
81. Had your own heart broken = Yes.
82. Been arrested = No.
83. Turned someone down = Yes.
84. Cried when someone died = No. Grief doesn't hit me until I come home to an empty home. No one that close died.
85. Fallen for a friend? = Yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = Most of the time.
87. Miracles = No. WTF are those?
88. Love at first sight = Yes.
89. Heaven = Not as an afterlife.
90. Santa Claus = No.
91. Kiss on the first date = Depends.
92. Angels = No.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
93. Had more than one bf/gf?= Yes, but not at the same time.
95. Did you sing today? = Whenever I feel like it.
96. Ever cheated on somebody? = No. Don't want to; don't plan to.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? = Far enough to stop nebulous clouds from accumulating into a large mass that would eventually result the big bang. Or just far enough to kill all the eubacteria from producing oxygen. Or far enough to pile rocks on the earth sky high so that there would be no possibility there would be enough oxygen to oxidize all the rocks and the oceans and escape into the atmosphere.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? = May 25th. Prom.
100. Posting this as 100 truths? = Yes.
| | |
| YOUR BOY SIDE—-
[x] You love hoodies.
[x] You love jeans.
[-] Dogs are better than cats. (Iffy on this)
[x] It’s hilarious when people get hurt.
[ ] Shopping is torture
[ ] Sad movies suck.
[ ] You own a car racing game.
[ ] You played with Hot Wheels cars as a kid.
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You owned a DS, PS2, N64,or Sega.
[x] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[x] You have watched sports on TV
[ ] Gory movies are cool.
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You used to collect hockey cards.
[ ] Baggy sweats are cool to wear.
[ ] It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[ ] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[ ] Sports are fun
[ ] You talk with food in your mouth.
[ ] You sleep with your socks on at night.
[ ] You have fished at least once
—-YOUR GIRL SIDE—-
[x] You love to shop
[ ] You wear eyeliner
[ ] You wear the color pink.
[ ] You go to your mom to talk.
[ ] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[x] You like going to the mall with friends.
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures
[ ] You like wearing jewelry.
[ ] You cried watching The Notebook
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[ ] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[ ] You don’t like the movie Star Wars
[ ] You are/were in gymnastics
[ ] It takes you around one hour to shower
[x] You smile a lot more than you should.
[x] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[x] You care about what you look like.
[ ] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[ ] You like wearing high heel shoes.
[ ] You used to play with dolls as little kid.
[ ] You like putting make-up on others.
[ ] You like being the star of everything.
[ ] Pink is one of your favorite colors.
Appearance •
[x] I am shorter than 5′5″.
[x] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[ ] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x] I’ve had/have braces.
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than two piercings.
[ ] I have / had piercings in places besides my ears.
• Embarrassment •
[ ] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I’ve snorted while laughing.
[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
[ ] I’ve glued my hand to something.
[x] I’ve laughed ’til some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I’ve had my pants rip in public.
• Health •
[ ] I’ve gotten stitches.
[ ] Broken a bone.
[ ] I’ve had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
[ ] I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I’ve had serious surgery.
[x] I’ve had chicken pox.
• Traveling •
[x] I’ve driven / ridden over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I’ve been on a plane.
[x] I’ve been to Canada.
[ ] I’ve been to Cuba. (wtf)
[ ] I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I’ve been to Ottawa.
[ ] I’ve gone to Mexico.
[ ] I’ve been to the Caribbean.
[ ] I’ve been to Europe.
[ ] I’ve been to Florida.
• Experiences •
[x] I’ve gotten lost in my city.
[x] I’ve seen a shooting star.
[x] I’ve wished on a shooting star.
[x] I’ve seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
[x] I’ve been to a casino.
[ ] I’ve been skydiving.
[ ] I’ve gone skinny-dipping.
[ ] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I’ve crashed a car.
[ ] I’ve been skiing.
[ ] I’ve been in a musical.
[x] I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue.
[ ] I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
[ ] I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
[x] I’ve played a prank on someone.
[x] I’ve ridden in a taxi.
[x] I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. (HELL YES! NO LONGER A ROCKY HORROR VIRGIN!)
[x] I’ve eaten Sushi.
[x] I’ve been snowboarding.
• Relationships •
[ ] I’m single.
[x] I’m in a relationship.
[ ] I’m engaged.
[ ] I’m married.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced.
[x] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[x] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
• Honesty / Crime •
[ ] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
[ ] I’ve snuck out.
[x] I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
[x] I’ve ran a red light.
[x] I’ve witnessed a crime.
[ ] I’ve been in a fist fight
[ ] I’ve been arrested.
• Death and Suicide •
[ ] I’m afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[x] I’ve seen someone / something dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted / committed suicide.
[x] I’ve planned my own suicide before.
[ ] I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
• Materialism •
[ ] I own over 5 rap CD’s.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime / manga.
[x] I own designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collected comic books.
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on E-Bay.
[x] I own something from Abercrombie
• Random •
[ ] I can sing well .
[ ] Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily
[x] I like to vent
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I don’t kill bugs.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[x] I am a morning person
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair.
[x] I care about grammar.
[ ] I have “?”’s in my screen name.
[x] I love spam.
[ ] I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
[-] I bake well. (relatively)
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange.
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I like white chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I’m good at remembering faces.
[ ] I’m good at remembering names.
[ ] I’m good at remembering dates.
[x] I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[x] All my answers were totally honest | | |
| What is Yale?
Nine months ago, I would have told you that it's a place brimming with academic superiority, where colorless green ideas sleep furiously. Today, I'm going to tell you that it's Lowell with more choices, more people, more classes, and an unsettling sense of uncertainty.
It feels as though you've been thrown into the ocean with a life vest but no means to identify or swim to the shore. And all the while, the other 1,319 students are just as uncertain, but, like you, everyone is swimming somewhere; most in different directions. While the question of destination will be singed into our minds, we go on and hope that we are doing everything for a reason.
Yale is an opportunity to discover, to explore knowing there are both pitfalls and successes, and I think it's damn scary.
There are so many organizations from which to choose, and, like with all choices, each path leads somewhere, but to where is the question.
So while I am treading* in the middle of nowhere, absolutely clueless as to what I want, I hope that this articulation of my "lost-ness" will steer me away from losing myself even further.
* - I need not your snide remarks about how I, in reality, cannot tread water.
| | |
| It's undeniable that we're all moving on -- going on our separate ways. It's undeniable that we won't be able to see each other as often -- some more willing than others. It's equally undeniable that, as we walk our separate ways, we can not, unfortunately, forget each other. By whatever will of the human mind or body, bonds can't seem to break, and every conscious effort to forget only leads to an effort to remember.
And thus, I would caution fellow friends to recall -- ten or fifty years from now -- this high school experience in a rosy light. Let's face it: It was hell. It was the beginning of the deconstruction of whatever semblance of an ideal, fantastic life we still had in middle school. As time progressed, the process only moves on to crush, bringing on the Damned Awareness. We had a surface-level concept of it; us, being amused, detached cynics, never truly knew it.
And now we know it.
And then we'll live in the shit of it.
And, still speaking as a cynic (granted, increasingly less amused and less detached), I am scared shitless.
Signed,
One Young Pozzo
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